So I realize that I'm not recording my thoughts the way that I should be. It is important to have a chronicle of the comings and goings of ones life, so you can reflect on who you are, who you are becoming, how you are developing, changing or not developing and changing. So since I never take the time to write in a journal, and I'm always on the internet. (shout outs to twitter and facebook for ruining my life.) I might as well journal on the internet, and make it public.
So for today:
Watched Tiny and Toya with the BFF last night. I have to admit I can be quite the elitist intellectual. I am appalled by most reality shows (and I secretly can't keep my eyes off of them.) It is sickening how people have been able to commercialize everything, including their weddings, children, and all other aspects of their personal lives. You can now get paid to go gro
cery shopping, eat dinner, gossip in a hair salon, flip tables in a restaurant, throw parties for your kids, get "bubbie" implants, or anything else your heart can stage on camera.That being said, I occasionally watch Kimora Lee's reality show. I religiously watched The Real Housewives of ATL and NJ. But I thought the ignorance had gone too far with Tiny and Toya. I thought why should these random women who haven't done anything productive for society or humanity get to become household names, get undeserved praise and attention and get paid for it?
Then I met them. (On t.v at least) They proved to be far more wise than any of the educated women on Bridezilla, they seemed to have far more compassion than any of the wealthy women from Bergen County, and they seemed to put their family first more so than any Octomom or reality show celebrity. These women were genuine. The best moment ever was when Toya is explaining the struggle of a mother who is dealing with drug addiction and Tiny responds in her southern drawl; "what can I do to make you feel betta?" These women counsel each other, comfort each other and pray for each other. It is refreshing to see black women respecting one another and not gossiping or spending their days discussing someone elses' poverty, failure or pain but instead supporting one another through life transitions. Who would've thought that the refreshing image of black women that I was looking for would come from two "rapper wives."
Now of course I recognize that much of reality tv shows is edited and we do not see all the behind the scenes drama. But I'm pretty sure if BET had some footage of Tiny and or Toya having extensive conversation about some woman they didn't like or some of salacious gossip BET would've been sure to air it. I'm also sure if BET had footage of Tiny and Toya wastefully spending on frivolous items, while millions of children starve, BET would have aired it. Instead you see Toya trying to grow up and find an independent identity for herself. You see Tiny struggling with an aging father, a husband in prison and the struggles of being a mother. I was particularly drawn to Tiny's struggle, it raises great questions about feminism and marriage. She seems to be questioning her role as a wife (for our intents and purposes T.I and Tiny are married) and as a working woman? Should she go back to singing and music which she loves, or do what makes her husband happy? These are real women struggles. This isn't about bling or writing checks for Cadillacs it instead dealt with an entrepreneur and a young adult blossoming.
I have to admit, the elitist in me caught at glance of Tiny's tattoo-ed arms, and Toya's tattooed breast and assumed the worst. I assumed the show would be filled with ignorance, pole dancing parties and spoiled bratty children. Maybe I need to check myself, I believe that middle class black people have a tendency to judge black people who grew up in "the hood" or in low income backgrounds who later become rich via athletics or entertainment. (Jealousy??) I don't know. We wonder if they perpetuate all the negative stereotypes that we fight daily to destroy. We go to school, get degrees and try our best not too seem too "urban" or loud or anything reminiscent of the poor image we see daily. It seems to bother us deep down inside when we see people who didn't go to school, who don't vacation in Marthas Vineyard and who don't shop at J. Crew being heralded as successes of the black community.
I had to remove my barrier of elitism and of regional discriminationn to see how genuine, kind and loving these women really are. Yes Tiny having a husband in jail does perpetuate negative black male stereotypes, but I can't say that anyone is perfect. He definitely was living that "hood life" that I loathe so much. It bothers me that he had all the wealth and the comforts and he still felt the pull of street mentalities that I can never understand. But that's just the point, I need to realize how much I just don't understand and not judge. My distrust for Tiny and Toya highlights the class divides in the black community that Michael Eric Dyson and Malcolm X talked about. Toya did get pregnant at 14, and before I judged her I should've recognized how hard it must have been to grow up transient, poor and with a drug-addicted mother. I should've recognized how that could make her susceptible to the lures of an attractive young boy who promises you the world.
Now I won't go as far as to say that I respect all the booty shaking that goes on on BET, and I won't say I disagree with a lot of the things that Bill Cosby says either. There is still a lack of parenting going on in our community. There is still a removal of values and morals in our community and a sense of complacency, there is still a "hood rich" mentality that is frightening. However maybe it's time I looked at things with more of an open mind and recognized the value that these women re-introduce to black reality T.V. shows. I don't complain about the Kardashians when they're spending money left and right nor do I complain about $6000 birthday cakes for 11 year olds in ATL. Maybe Tiny and Toya's show can show us people with real values and real families and not just women tearing each other down with books (Cop without a Badge) and lies.
"Your values is in disarray, prioritizing horribly, unhappy with the riches cause your pisspoor morally." Tip
