all doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone! And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. And as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others!”--------Marianne Williamson/Nelson MandelaI was being nosy and reading through people's facebook statuses, and it's so funny to me how many people--mostly women---mostly black women, have statuses that say something to the degree of, "All these hatin b****es can keep hatin i dont care" or "these girls can keep talking" or "lmao at these hoes" about how they are not letting haters get beneath their skin.
I share that sentiment in not allowing people who don't have something positive or constructive about me, to hurt me. (Mind you, everything someone says about me, does not need to be positive, because that would imply that I am perfect, which is FAR from true..."all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God"--so some negative things need to be said, it just needs to be constructive, not childish.)But at the same time, why even dignify these people with filling up your status with comments pertaining to them, what I've learned is to keep my mind on God, and growth, and not even make facebook statuses or away messages about it, because something tells me, thats what they are looking for.
But the point of my note is, I feel that often, the hate that we as women experience is deeply rooted in other people being insecure about themselves. But what bothers me, is that so many of us allow the haters to win, and allow them to stop our progress.
I've noticed, that haters,(note: we are all haters sometimes, its so funny how we complain about haters, and then say unconstructive negative things about others, it is not an "us-them" binary when it comes to haters, there is no "other" it is all of us, for each of us that has been "hated on" we have "hated on" someone else.) The people who always have some non-constructive criticism, or some unproductive comment to share, usually their comment relates to someone being "Stuck up" or "full of themselves" or "who does she think she is?" And as a response to that, I see myself subconsciously, and other women subconsciously, deciding their actions and behavior based on how other people may or may not react to it.
How many times have we heard friends say, "I love the way I look in this dress, but I know that girls are gonna say---look at that ho, with the short dress, why she trying to show off?" Then not wear whatever it is because they are afraid people are going to say stuff. But as the quote says, "who am i to be gorgeous...actually who are you not to be?" How many times have people, especially people with stellar GPA's or accomplishments said, "I don't want anyone to know what I got on this test," because what, they're afraid that they are going to get people saying..."Oh he thinks he's this or that because he's got a high GPA." What I often wonder is, why should I have to play down my success, blessings and hard work to make you feel better about yourself? God has blessed me in more ways than I could ever express, so why shouldn't I say that I've won this award?
One of my favorite poets, (A Teach for America alum) Taylor Mali has a poem about how everyone in our generation can't make declarative statements anymore, we always begin
thoughts with "Like" because we don't want to say a bold statement such as, "This is morally wrong" instead we say, 'this is like wrong, because like...' and as he says, we often add inflection to our voices at the statements in a way that makes declarative statements in to questions, so when we say something, "This is a great movie" we add a "like you know?" As if saying, "hey, I need you to agree with me that this is a good movie in order for me to feel good, I'm not sure of my own opinons, so i need you to say yes." But here I am being a hyppocrite, because I have done every one of these things, I won 4 awards this semester, and not even my closest friends know about all of them. Why, because I've been allowing fear of criticism to prevent me from letting my light shine.
This type of behavior, limiting or downplaying your ideas, success, blessings, talent, beauty or intellegence, in order to prevent people from thinking that you are full of yourself, does no good to our broader community. If you are a state champion swimmer, why should you have to hide your medals? And in this, I am speaking particularly to the Black community. We would not have made the progress we have made now, if people like Dr. King said, "I don't want you to think I'm conceited, so I'm just going to keep my thoughts to myself." Or people like Muhammed Ali did not say "I am the greatest!" Albeit, Ali did have a little conceit in him, but I think I'd rather someone be conceited than someone be a mouse in the corner trying to play it safe and be everyones friend.
God does not look favorably on people who boast, and I know that is something that I try not to do, but he also doesn't look favorably on people who don't act like who they are...children of the most High! In Genesis 32, Jacob fights with the angel all night to get his blessing. Imagine the audacity to say "No you are going to bless me if I have to fight you all night" God obviously rewards that type of audacity. He wants us to say, "I am Ashley Cheree Sawyer child of God, tell me whom shall I fear?" I had a friend tell me that I am too bold, and I thought to myself, should I be timid, should I walk in fear to make other people feel less intimidated by me?
We do have to be considerate of other people, if my brother or sister is starving, it doesnt make sense for me to be bragging about my sandwich. If my friend is broke, it is not kind of me to be talking about the money I have in my pocket. But it does make sense to tell my sister how she can get the bread I got or tell my brother how he can get the job I have. So of course I don't flaunt my bread, but I'm not doing my friend any favors by hiding my bread in my pocket either. There is a balance, and there is a blessing in letting our own success shine.
"And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. And as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others!”
So often people are in meetings, and the person conducting the meeting will say, "Does anyone have any suggestions?" And no one will speak up. Yet each person in that meeting is capable and smart enought to contribute something positive toward the growth of their peers. But they stay silent, because they don't want to step on anyone's toes, or suggest something that other people may not agree with. Yet as soon as the meeting is over, the same people who had nothing to say, tell their friends "I think that we should have the event in the morning," or whatever the case may be, but they are so fearful of speaking up, they are so afraid that their own idea, their own suggestion might not be valid, we are afraid that what we have to say is not important enough. This self doubt doesn't lead to growth.
I'm timid in my support of captialism, I agree with some aspects, and disagree with others, but one of the merits of a capitalistic society, is competition. Competition breeds innovation. So if you own a resturant, and I own a resturant, I'm going to do my best to make my food as good as possible, so that patrons will come to mine over yours. Competition for all it's worth, does make people work harder and try to be the best they can be. And I think it should be the same way in other areas, without being arrogant, one should be able to present their ideas, and talents with boldness, so that it encourages other people, in a humane way, to try to improve their ideas and talents. I know women and men with beautiful voices, who are afraid to sing in front of others, not because they don't think they can sing, but because they are afraid it's going to make other people think that they are showing off. Now of course you don't need to be singing all the time, but when someone asks you to, don't be shy, let your light shine.
Walk in authority!
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