January 2007 Blog-Baby Steps

I guess I am sort of subversive, in that I don't always do what everyone else does, and I always have a way of analyzing everything, including the tradition of New Years resolutions. I think the idea is pretty good in principle, like we should always take time out to think about what we're doing wrong, and how we can improve going forward. That's wonderful, but lets be real, how many of us remember what our new years resolution was for 2006? I sure as hell don't. So what sense does it make to do the same thing the following year, to set a goal that we'll probably forget about in 2 months, and that often we don't achieve. Plus, who told us that we could handle 365 days? Why are we trying to transform our habits, our weight, our attitude, or whateva over the course of a year, to me that sounds like an excuse to procrastinate. (something i'm REALLY good at) "It's like okay so i said i was going to start saving money in 07, but i dont have to do it in january, why not feb. yea then I'll make a budget" So this year, I've decided to make baby steps, rather than make a new years resolution, I'm making new months resolutions. Why should i wait til the end of the year to clean up my act? This way I'm constantly checking myself, 12 times a year, constantly looking to improve, and i have less time to procrastinate, and a more reasonably sized task.This month's resolution, is to be more assertive, hopefully I can carry it with me throughout 07, but for now, I'm just thinking about Jan. Remember: baby steps...I realize that often I let ppl walk over me, I let people say rude things to me, do rude things to me, or that I am not always myself because I'm afraid to offend anyone or whatever. So for the month of January, I'll speak my mind. Speaking my mind doesn't mean I have to be rude, or snotty either, it means I have to be respectful and tasteful, but make it clear I'm no one's "bitch." I feel like a lot of times I have these long grudges against people, and can't even remember why, and its probably because they did something to me, and I was too passive to speak up, and I let it slide, but over time it built up this resentment in me, but I can't even tell that person why I'm mad at them. I should've addressed it when it first came up. I'm too nice, to people who arent nice to me, I let people borrow things, use my space etc and don't say "hey"thats enough, I need my shit back. Why am I so afraid of losing so called friends or whatever, if they can't handle me being real with them, maybe I don't need them around. I look back on how many times I've let people take soo much from me, literally, physically and figuratively and I never spoke up and said "hey i don't want this" or "im not feeling u like that" or "i need that, i dont feel like sharing it" or "im not ready, fall back/" Once again, these things don't need to be said in a nasty way, because when u speak to people wit respect, they generally respond a lot better. But somethings need to be said. So this is for anyone whose not said what they felt because they were afraid to hurt someones feelings, or who wasnt themselves around some people, or who let someone in their lives get away with too much for too damned long:"Be who you are and say what you feel, because the people who mind dont matter, and the people who matter don't mind." For my true friends and fam who love me like cooked food, thanks for respecting my realness, and for encouraging me to be bold and do what I need to do for me. In the end, I'm not selfish, but I've just got to be me, cool calm collected, kind and sweet, but "make me unselfish, WITHOUT BEING BLIND"Happy January